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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23481496">Wired Autocomplete Interview with Captain Winterman</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenpuffWrites/pseuds/RavenpuffWrites'>RavenpuffWrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Had To Have High Hopes [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, It's a WIRED Autocomplete Interview with Captain Winterman!, Just three dads and their adopted Spider-Son, Multi, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Protective Tony Stark, Screenplay/Script Format, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Trans Peter Parker, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:07:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23481496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenpuffWrites/pseuds/RavenpuffWrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Autocomplete suggests the most common searches on the internet.<br/>So WIRED asked Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and James “Bucky” Barnes some of the Internet’s most burning questions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Peter Parker &amp; Steve Rogers &amp; Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Had To Have High Hopes [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1358743</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>570</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Funny Fics By Rae</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wired Autocomplete Interview with Captain Winterman</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I might have gotten lost the other day on YouTube just watching dozens of these WIRED interviews until I decided I had to write this one.<br/>Turns out, quarantine is really great for my writing productivity (but not for my homework that's for sure)<br/>Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>INT. WIRED HEADQUARTERS</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting on stools in front of a white screen are three superheroes. On the left is James “Bucky” Barnes, formally known as the Winter Soldier. In the middle is Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America, who is currently holding Bucky’s hand. On the right is Tony Stark, better known as Iron Man. He is wearing sunglasses despite the fact they are indoors and all three are dressed as if they were on vacation hours earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Hey, I’m Steve Rogers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“And I’m Bucky Barnes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“And I’m Tony Stark. And this is a Wired autocomplete interview.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The screen cuts to white. In the middle of the screen, the text reads</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Autocomplete suggests the most common searches on the internet</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>The screen cuts back to the three sitting on their stools. Tony’s glasses now rest on top of his head. He’s looking off-screen and speaking to someone the camera can’t see.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Hey, off the phone kiddo, don’t be rude. This was your idea, pay attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a muffled response the camera doesn’t pick up, and Tony sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The screen goes back to white, and more text appears in the center</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>So WIRED asked Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and James “Bucky” Barnes some of the Internet’s most burning questions.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>The screen cuts back to Tony, Steve, and Bucky. Bucky is holding the first board, which has a list of six questions. In the search bar is “Steve Rogers” and underneath it, the questions are all covered except for that name.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“How many of these questions do you think are about Steve’s ass?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“It should be all of them. America’s ass deserves 100% of our attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: (O.S)</b>
  <span> “Dads no you can’t curse on this show, stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony turns to his head to the right, pushing his glasses up on top of his head as he looks at where the audience assumes Peter is.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Kid, I’m a billionaire, I can do whatever the fuck I want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Tony, behave. Or I’m turning this car around right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter, along with Bucky and several other people off camera burst out into laughter. Steve keeps a straight face, and Tony raises an eyebrow at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mom</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter and Bucky both laugh harder at this, and Bucky drops the board he is holding in the process. After a moment the footage cuts, and when it returns the laughter has quieted down, and Bucky is once again holding the board. Steve looks mildly upset and flustered, but Tony and Bucky look incredibly smug.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Ask me the first question, Bucky, let’s just get this started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky pulls off the paper dramatically, revealing the question as he reads it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Is Steve Rogers dead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve looks straight into the camera</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Dead inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From off-screen, Peter bursts out laughing again, causing Steve to smile slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“The long answer is that no, I am not dead, I have never actually been dead, I was just frozen in the ocean for about 70 years and everybody assumed that I was dead until I was found and thawed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Captain America is the Avatar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony fully turns in his chair towards Peter, looking halfway between annoyed and amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Do you want to be in this video, Peter? Because if I recall correctly when we showed up, you said you didn’t want to be on camera and answer any questions, but you keep butting in like you want to be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S, mumbled) “Sorry dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve smacks Tony lightly in the arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Be nice to him Tony, the kid’s excited.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“I’m always nice to him, what are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky begins to peel off the tape for the next question as he reads it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Back on track. Is Steve Rogers dating Tony Stark or Bucky Barnes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“I wonder when they asked this question because for a long time the answer was neither.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“That’s true. Apparently this asshole-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky poked Steve in the side, causing the man to jump slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Apparently he’s liked me since we were kids but never said anything so we didn’t start dating until </span>
  <em>
    <span>after </span>
  </em>
  <span>all this shit went down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Buck, you didn’t like me back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I refuse to believe that’s true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“We didn’t start dating Tony until very recently because of a lot of complicated reasons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“We didn’t talk, that’s the complicated reason. As it turns out, none of us like discussing feelings and so we just ignored them until our friends got annoyed and forced us to deal with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Also as it turns out? Having a kid is a great way to force communication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Steve no-”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Ever since Peter moved in, we’ve all had to work out ways to communicate more directly in order to create a better environment. It’s true, Bucky, don’t give me that look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Do not have kids to fix your communication issues, do not listen to this idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Eh, next question Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a bit of trouble, Bucky manages to mostly pull off the tape for the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“When is Steve Roger’s birthday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Believe it or not, July 4th.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“No, that is not a lie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky pulls off the tape of the next question with a flourish</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“How did Steve Rogers become Captain America?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Oh, people still don’t know that? I thought it was common knowledge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Steve has what I call ‘Dumb bitch disease’ which causes him to make incredibly bad decisions, especially when no one is there to stop him. So when I left to fight in the war, he was alone and decided that his life was worth exactly nothing and willingly sacrificed himself to the government to be experimented on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Look-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky raises his hand before Steve can argue, cutting him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“We are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>having this argument again. Steve was an idiot, but a fucking lucky one. And that’s that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky ripped the tape off the next question. Off-screen, Peter begins to laugh before Bucky can even read it.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Does Steve Rogers is gay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“What kind of English are they teaching kids these days? That doesn’t even make sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“‘Does Steve Rogers is gay?’ I mean yes, he does. Steve Rogers definitely does gay. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“I feel like we’re missing something with this question. Baby Stark is losing it over here, there has to be more to the question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Maybe it’s a meme?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony twists in his chair towards Peter.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“What are we missing here, Pete, why is this so funny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S, in between giggles) “There’s an article that was posted a while, that’s the title of it, and it’s just a total shitshow. A couple of YouTubers talked about it in a video and it blew up on the Internet a few months ago, it’s all just a big speculation if Captain Dad is gay or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Well the answer is yes. I always have been and always will be. Technically I’m bi, but it’s basically the same thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Well now that that’s settled, onto the final question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky struggles for several seconds to pull the tape off. Steve reaches over to help him, but Bucky slaps his hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“No, I’ve got this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky grins triumphantly as he pulls the tape off.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Where does Steve Rogers live?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Avengers Tower, that’s an easy one. Although Bucky and I are from Brooklyn and I considered getting a place there for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Onto the next board.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky throws the board off camera. It cuts, and in the next scene now Tony is holding a board. Similar to before, the name Bucky Barnes is in the search bar, and below it, the rest of the questions minus that name is covered up with tape.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Who is Bucky Barnes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky laughs</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Oh man isn’t that the question. Who the hell is Bucky Barnes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“It sounds like there should be another part of that question. Like ‘Who is Bucky Barnes and why should I care about him?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony and Bucky both laugh at this</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“You’re right it definitely does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve tries his best to keep a straight face and not react, attempting to be serious in his response</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was my best friend growing up-”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Was?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“He’s also a </span>
  <em>
    <span>jerk</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And my boyfriend. He’s important because I love him</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Gross.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“And because of his role in the Howling Commandos as my second in command.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I was also the Winter Soldier, an extremely deadly assassin for about 70 years, so I mean some would argue that’s the real reason I’m important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“I like my answer better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky shrugs, and Tony peels off the tape to the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“When did Bucky Barnes die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I don’t think I ever technically died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“My boyfriend Bucky died 70 years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Stop telling people I’m dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Sometimes I can still hear his voice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“You can’t see Peter but he is trying desperately not to burst out laughing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S, voice muffled and mixed with laughter) “I don’t want to ruin the video but Captain Dad knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>memes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>(to Peter) “Kiddo, you could never ruin anything, please don’t hurt yourself trying not to laugh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>(To Steve and Bucky) “Please stop trying to kill our son, just for five minutes. Let him live.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve looks past Tony at Peter, looking genuinely concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Peter? Are you okay? Tony is right, you won’t ruin anything if you laugh, please don’t hold that in and hurt yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “I’m okay dad, don’t worry. Just answer your questions, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve doesn’t look like he fully believes Peter, but he turns back towards the camera in his chair. Bucky rolls his eyes, grabbing Steve’s hand and patting it reassuringly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Tony, give me the next question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony pulls off the tape, and as he reads the next question he starts to chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“‘Is Bucky Barnes married to Steve Rogers?’ I hope this is a recent question because I’m pretty sure that was illegal the last time you two were together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“It was, but it was also a running joke between our families and with the Commandos that Steve and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>basically married anyways. Mind you, this was before we were ever dating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“We actually discussed marriage a lot for two closeted teens who were hopelessly in love with only each other. But no, we have never gotten married, nor do I think we ever probably will especially considering that we’re now dating Tony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“I mean, if you two wanted to get married just as a big “fuck you” to historians, I wouldn’t oppose that. Personally I think it would be hilarious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Well, maybe one day but right now I think we have other things on our plate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony and Steve both nod in agreement and Tony pulls the tape away from the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Is Bucky Barnes good now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Was Bucky Barnes good ever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky nudges Steve hard in the side as Steve starts to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Compared to you I was the fucking golden boy. Everyone thinks that I was the bad boy, but the truth is I was the only one keeping Steve alive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“How dare you imply that I, Captain America, wasn’t always a model citizen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“You never have and never will be a model anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“To answer your question, yes Bucky is good and has always been good. The Winter Soldier was a weapon created by Hydra which used his body to carry out horrible crimes, but none of those were ever Bucky’s doing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Bucky has always been on our side. And always will be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Wow that was almost sappy. Please for the love of god move on before I have to deal with more of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky has a grimace on his face, but Steve and Tony both just laugh. Steve smiles softly at Bucky, as Tony struggles for a moment before pulling the tape off the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Did Bucky Barnes kill JFK?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve opens his mouth, but before he can speak Bucky is grinning slyly at the camera and cutting him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“As Tony put it, ‘Bucky’ has not killed anyone since World War 2. And he plans to keep it that way so long as he can help it. Now as for if the Winter Soldier, under the orders of Hydra, killed JFK, that is something that I am legally not allowed to talk about, but also if you dig enough on google you can probably find the answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky grins at the camera a moment longer, then turns to look at Tony.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“What’s my last question?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“How did Bucky Barnes meet Steve Rogers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Ooh I love this story!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“This is another case of Steve not being very Captain America, isn’t it? The way the two of you met?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“I think it’s a perfect example, actually, of Steve being Captain America and the public just have a very wrong image of what that is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“The short story is I found Steve trying to fight a group of bullies that were way too big for him to take on, and I had to save his scrawny ass. Then he attached himself to me like a damn lost kitten and wouldn’t leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve gasped loudly, clearly offended, and off-screen Peter begins to laugh, although the sound comes out muffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Excuse me, I think you are the one who attached yourself to me. I was handling myself perfectly fine-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky scoffs, rolling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“I was! I was fine, and I told you that, but you insisted on being the hero and helping me out and then walked me home to ‘Make sure I didn’t get into any more trouble along the way.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Funny, Rhodey said the same thing to me when we first met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“And then, this fucking softie, he stuck around at my house with me when we got home and my mom wasn’t there, claiming the entire time he ‘wasn’t worried about me, just being a proper gentleman.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I wasn’t worried. I just didn’t want you to die and have that on my conscious is all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“The next day at school, Bucky came over and sat next to me and then insisted on walking me home from school like he was my personal guard dog or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve smiled fondly at Bucky, even as Bucky glared back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“I kept trying to push Bucky away because I thought he just pitied me. It took almost a month for me to realize he actually wanted to be my friend just because he liked me as a person. But when he still showed up at my house even when I was too sick for school and went through our same routine like nothing was different…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky shook his head, squeezing Steve’s hand tightly, a slight smile creeping onto his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Something kept telling me that you were worth befriending, even when you seemed to hate my guts. Must have been at least a little right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony throws the board off-camera, causing a crash that snaps Bucky and Steve out of their moment. He grins as they both straighten up</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“So who’s reading the next questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The camera cuts, and now Steve is holding a board. In the search bar is the name Tony Stark, and below it is a list of questions just like before. Steve pulls off the tape from the first question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Okay first question. ‘Does Tony Stark have a child?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Why is the most searched thing about me about the kid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve and Bucky laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Yes I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a kid. His name is Peter, he’s a menace,”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Hey, rude!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“And he’s just over there off-camera, I’m sure you’ve heard him interjecting and laughing over there from time to time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Peter, say hi to the audience.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Hi to the audience.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Pete- “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Off-Screen, Peter starts to giggle as Bucky sighs heavily.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Told you, a total menace. Capsicle hit me with the next question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve pulls off the next piece of tape.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“How did Tony Stark become Iron Man?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Now that’s a good question, there we go Google. It’s a very long and complicated story and I’m sure you definitely find books and movies out there on it,”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “You definitely can, I can confirm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony:</b>
  <span> “Yeah, ask the fanboy over there, I’m sure he can direct you to something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Dad! You can’t just expose me like this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Kiddo, that’s pretty much my only job as your father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“I don’t think the camera picked it up, but Peter just whined really softly, and he’s now covering his face because he’s blushing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S.) “Daaaad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony chuckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“To answer the question, I got kidnapped and had to build a suit of armor to escape, it made me rethink most of my life choices, so I decided to improve the suit and use it to do some good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “And he also completely remade his company so that it’s now dedicated to making the world a better place and creating a better future. No one else could have done that, not as quickly as dad did, but he got his heart set to it and once that happens you can’t stop him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve and Bucky both laugh at that, nodding their heads in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Dad never </span>
  <em>
    <span>became </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iron Man. He’s always been Iron Man. It just took him a while to figure out he was a hero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony looks over to where Peter is standing off-camera, caught off guard.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Kiddo…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony motions for Peter to come over to him, and as Peter walks into the frame he stands up, pulling him into a tight hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The video jumps, and Tony is now sitting back in his seat. Steve tilts his head slightly at him, waiting until Tony nods to confirm he is ready before pulling off the tape for the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“When did Tony Stark become a dad?"</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Why is everyone interested in the kid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“He became a dad the day he first met Peter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “In January.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“There. He became a dad in January. Next question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve pulls the tape quickly off the next question, nearly bursting out laughing as he reads it</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Is Tony Stark Peter Parker's biological father?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony throws both his hands up in the air</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Oh what the hell! Why are all these questions about Peter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Because they like him more than you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Because you were a playboy for a long time and everyone just assumes you have a bunch of kids out there and so when Peter showed up the media jumped on it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“God, maybe the kid should just replace me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony huffs, crossing his arms as he looks at the camera, annoyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Peter is adopted, so no he is not my biological son, despite what the media might claim. And I would appreciate if everyone stopped believing all the lies that the tabloids are trying to spread about him, and just in general stop trying to find out so many personal details about him and push your way into his life, because he is an actual human person and he’s just a </span>
  <em>
    <span>kid </span>
  </em>
  <span>who didn’t ask for any of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve reaches over and places a hand on Tony’s shoulder, calmingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“We are aware that with our YouTube channel and other forms of social media, Peter has made the decision openly to put himself out into the public eye and that he has been willing to answer a lot of questions asked of him, but as Tony has said he is just a kid. He is not obligated to answer something he does not want to, and regardless of what he does or does not share, we ask that you do not gossip or speculate on things regarding him. Do not spread rumors, and if you see something about Peter that has not come from him or from one of us, we ask that you do not spread that information and if at all possible, report it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Dads, it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“It’s our job to protect you, Peter. Just let us do that, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony looks off-camera towards Peter, smiles, and then turns back to Steve.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Next question?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Next question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve easily pulls off the tape that covers the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Who is Tony Stark?’</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Me. I am Tony Stark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony nods, seemingly satisfied with his answer. Steve rolls his eyes but pulls the tape away from the final question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Is Tony Stark still alive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony barks out a laugh as Steve throws the board away towards the camera.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“What is the Internet’s obsession with us possibly being dead? Is there a conspiracy theory we’re all robots or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Yes. Some people are convinced you’re immortals or that you died and SHIELD replaced you with clones.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky laughs, a bright grin on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I love Internet conspiracy theories like that. Are any of the Avengers actually alive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Yes! You are all very much alive and human!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony reaches across Steve, slapping Bucky in his shoulder, giving him a sharp glare before smiling at the camera.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“I’m very much still alive, thank you for asking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The camera cuts, and now Tony is holding a board. In the search bar is the words the Avengers, and below is a list of questions covered in tape. Tony peels off the first one</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“First question: Who are the Avengers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Uh, well the simple answer is that we’re a team of superheroes that try to keep the world safe from any invading threats.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“If the question is specifically who are the members of the Avengers, that’s these two idiots-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky gestures to Steve and Tony</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Along with Thor, the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, War Machine, and the Scarlet Witch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“And the Falcon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“oh yeah, and bird brain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve slaps Bucky’s hand lightly, scoldingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Play nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Never.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony rolls his eyes at the pair, cutting off their arguing by reading the next questions</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“‘Who do the Avengers work for?’ That’s easy, the answer is no one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“The Avengers have always been an independent team, brought together under the direction of SHIELD, but we never worked for them. If anything we worked more for Stark Industries than anything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“SI sponsors the Avengers to a degree. As in I pay for everything and design everything and make everyone look cooler. But he’s the boss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony points over at Steve, sounding slightly bitter. From the other side of Steve, Bucky snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I still think choosing Steve to be your leader was the stupidest decision you could have ever made.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Same. But here we are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“You love it and you know it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Steve can argue, Tony pulls the tape off for the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“When did the Avengers meet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Formally as a group, most of us met just before the Battle of New York. Natasha and Clint knew each other for quite a while before that, as have James and Tony. I met Sam when I was living in DC for a while and we became running partners, and we met Wanda about two years ago now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Now we just meet once a week for dinner, as per request of Steve and the kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “I have a name!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve and Bucky both laugh, and Tony grins cheekily as he pulls off the tape for the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“When did the Avengers break up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Pretty sure we haven’t broken up, at least as far as I’m aware.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“They still all live in my tower so we better not damn be broken up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Dad! Language!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky and Steve burst out laughing as Tony turns to face Peter, raising one eyebrow at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“You know I’m the adult here, right kid? Turn down the attitude, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“He gets it from you, Tony, I don’t know what you expect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Respect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky laughs again.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Yeah, I can’t see that happening. As someone who has spent years dealing with Steve, respect never comes from these assholes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Hey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Rude!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Truth hurts kid. Next question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony pulled the tape off quickly from the next question</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Why did the Avengers break up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Oh my god, guys enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“We’re not a boyband, we didn’t break up. Please stop asking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Yeah, before you become the cause of the Avengers breaking up. Which you definitely do not want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Dad, please do not joke about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter sounds slightly distressed, but the way Tony laughs and moves on to the last question indicates he’s not as upset as he sounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“‘Where do the Avengers live?’ Avengers Tower, that’s an easy one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony throws the board towards Peter, and a moment later there’s a soft thud. It sounds like Peter might have fallen, at least until</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Ooh, nice catch kid. Thought it might have been too high for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “I uh, kind of panicked when I saw it coming. Anxiety and whatnot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thud from before was the sound of Peter landing on the floor after jumping to catch the board.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Kid, you’re a disaster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of Peter protesting is cut off as the scene changes, and now Bucky is holding the final board of questions. It has the same search bar as before, but a new set of questions covered in tape. Bucky peels off the first one easily</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Is Spider-Man part of the Avengers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“No, no, Spider-Man isn’t an Avenger. He is certainly one of our associates, he works from time to time with the Avengers when it is needed and Stark Industries provides his tech and does train in our facilities and with us quite often, but officially no he is not a part of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Spider-Man tends to run in different circles than the rest of us when it comes to the type of crime he fights, he’s much more of a protector of the everyday folks versus the type of things we tend to deal with. In many respects, it makes him a better hero than we could ever hope to be. Taking a place on the Avengers would make it harder for him to focus on those types of crimes, so Spider-Man works with us on a need basis only”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“All of us in the tower do love and admire Spider-Man for what he does though. He’s out there making a difference where the others do not have a chance to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky goes to pull off the tape of the next question, but he can’t seem to get it. After several seconds of struggling, Tony reaches across Steve to pull it off in one try.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I had it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky pouts, but Tony ignores his protest.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Do the Avengers hate it each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>(bewildered) “What is going on with these questions? First they ask if we’re dead, then if we broke up, now they want us to hate each other. Did we miss something in the press?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“It’s like we had a Civil War or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“What do you think would break the Avengers apart? What would do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Well the last time we played Uno it got pretty close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony and Bucky laugh, but Steve winces like the memory is physically painful.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Peter, I love you kid, but do not mention that game again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter giggles quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “Sorry dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“Buck, please read the next question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky manages to peel off most of the tape on the next question, but a bit of it gets stuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Oh, I think that says ‘How did the Avengers… save the world?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Going to have to be more specific about which time because we’ve done it quite a few at this point. Kind of our thing really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “They do it by being the world’s best heroes and also with 10% luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“A lot of it comes down to us knowing how to work together as a team and being in the right place at the right time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I think Peter is underestimating the amount of luck. I think it’s at least 40% luck you manage to do what you do and still come out the other side.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“My entire life is 100% luck, so that checks out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Yeah you’re telling me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky peels off the tape from the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“How are the Avengers doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tony laughs, looking surprised by the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“What a weird question for someone to search. Are people really out there just wondering how we are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“I personally worry daily about how the Avengers are doing, so mood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter giggles, quiet enough the camera barely picks it up. Steve rolls his eyes and responds seriously</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“The Avengers are doing very well right now, thank you for asking. We’ve actually all gone on vacation recently, so we’re relaxing and feeling them uh ‘good vibes’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter’s laughter off-screen gets louder for a moment, then becomes muffled. Presumably, he covered his mouth to stifle the sound. Steve smiles, looking quite pleased with himself. He reaches over to Bucky, pulling off the tape from the next question. Bucky slaps his hand away, pouting</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Stop taking my job!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“The question is: ‘What are the Avengers doing right now?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Why is the Internet so nosy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“We’re chilling. Taking a break, if you would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S, singing) “Take a break! Run away with us for the summer!”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>(singing) “Let’s go upstate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“No, no not this again. You’ve been doing this ever since we announced vacation, it’s enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(O.S) “You’re just jealous because you’re Alexander in this situation and you hate the comparison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>(To Peter) “Hush you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>(To Bucky) “Elsa, read the last question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky rolls his eyes at the nickname but pulls off the final piece of tape.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“Are the Avengers gay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Tony: </b>
  <span>“Yes. Yes, we are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky throws the board towards the camera, spiking it directly. You can hear several gasps before the screen goes fuzzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It comes back a moment later, but it seems as if some time has passed as Tony is no longer in his chair. Instead, Peter is sitting in his place, wearing Tony’s blazer and his jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Peter: </b>
  <span>(As Tony) “That was Wired’s Autocomplete Interview. Thank you so much for watching, and hopefully, we answered all of your burning questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter does his best to keep a straight face, even as Steve and Bucky begin to laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bucky: </b>
  <span>“That was such a good impression of him, oh my god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Steve: </b>
  <span>“They’re the same person, they really are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just before the video ends, Peter smiles quite proudly at the camera. He really does look a lot like Tony.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27025825">Wired Autocomplete Interview: Tony Stark &amp; Steve Rogers (Feat. Peter Stark-Rogers)</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RDJWINCHESTER1/pseuds/RDJWINCHESTER1">RDJWINCHESTER1</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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